The big election is approaching, and we don’t mean the Presidential race—the Data Loss Gremlins are competing to determine who will be the biggest data loss threat of 2016.
Mal and Klepto debuted last week and fought about who is the most talented at cybercrime. Those cyber criminals seem tough to beat, but this week the spotlight is on Whoopsie Daisy and Scratch as they take to the debate stage representing the Error Experts Party.
Place of Birth: Accident, Maryland
Fun Fact: Ponemon Institute reports that in 2014, 30 percent of all data breaches were due to employee mistakes. In 2015, I increased that number to 52 percent! While that might seem impressive, I promise that this year is going to be the best yet.
Tell us about yourself: My carelessness is what makes me the most threatening. I love to store company passwords on sticky-notes. I love to pour coffee (and sometimes tea) on precious computers when I don’t care to drink anymore of it. I don’t save files, I x-out of things on purpose, I click on suspicious links, and ignore IT security policies. I’m a terrible influence on all of your employees, and I love it.
Who should we call for a reference? Please consult chief information Officers, IT directors, and IT managers from large to small businesses, or any of the MSPs out there. They get stuck handling the human errors that cause 75 percent of data loss. (And I’m behind it all pulling the strings!) I’m also the gatekeeper when it comes to letting in threats from Mal and Klepto—they’d be nothing without me!
What’s your greatest strength? I make little mistakes that turn into big costly ones! A little mistake here, a little mistake there… I trick businesses into thinking little mistakes are harmless, but add them all up and all of a sudden I cause serious damage, wasting all sorts of time and money. My successes in the past two years can speak for themselves; I, the number one cause of data loss!
What’s your greatest weakness? I hate to admit my weaknesses, but it would probably have to be the “un-do” function—and cups with lids. But I refuse to be defeated! To combat the lids, I like to tip the cups over anyway because that lid just might be loose. To combat the un-do function, I’ll just trip over the power cord and unplug the computer, wiping out all that work you haven’t saved yet. So, are these still considered my weaknesses? I’d say no.
Why are you a bigger threat than all those other gremlins? Like I have said before, I am the root cause to most data loss and data breaches. I’ll guarantee that you will hear even more oh-my-goshes, oops, whoops, and grunts in the office than ever before. After all, I’ve been the biggest threat since day one, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m determined to prove that minor mistakes can cause major problems.
Place of Birth: The Server Room
Fun Fact: 15,000 hard drives fail every day thanks to my handy-work, and those businesses that suffer from the data loss are likely to fail within two years. I pledge to increase that number this year.
Tell us about yourself: I’m a complete monster when it comes to destroying data. I’m constantly hungry and always looking for more servers to destroy next. Age? The older the better! The more fragile they are, the easier they are to digest. Motherboards are my favorite thing to snack on.
Who should we call for a reference? Ask any large or small business; as they’ve all become dependent on data. It’s their precious data that I am after, and they hate it when their hard drives fail or their servers fail. And when they store data on disks, I’ll scratch them up to the point where they will be unreadable. It’s just so much fun to ruin someone’s day—and their data!
What’s your greatest strength? I like to strike when I can cause the most damage. I’ll freeze systems, and corrupt files and folders to prevent users from accessing it just when they need it most. Another thing I am infamous for is the dreaded “Blue Screen of Death.” That one’s a classic!
What’s your greatest weakness? When someone comes into my server room and inspects the equipment and performs their routine maintenance. It’s tough to damage hard drives when they’re constantly being monitored and taken care of properly. Another thing would be redundant backups. Where on Earth did they store the extra copy?! It drives me insane. I’m not a detective. I’m a Data Loss Gremlin!
Why are you a bigger threat than all those other gremlins? I cause physical damage, dropping hard drives and scratching them all up. I cause power surges, and I tangle wires on purpose to trick the people who maintain their servers into tripping over them, unplugging them, and getting them confused. Data has to live somewhere, so why not vote the Gremlin who rips and breaks it all apart?